And how can we reduce this mental overwhelm?
For starters, we need to recognise that it’s very valuable to feel your feelings, but you’re not responsible for everyone else’s feelings or for creating a perfect family. You are not responsible for creating a perfect world. I think getting very clear on the idea that many of us women have been socialised from birth to be kind, polite, caring, deferential and giving to others at the expense of yourself. Also, let’s stop putting the ice on men’s feelings. Let’s stop telling women that they have to be responsible for everyone else’s feelings at the detriment of themselves.
When we think about empowering women, it isn’t just for their benefit, but for all of us
Let’s make sure that we’re identifying when we’re doing too much. When do you really need to step in and give emotional support and when you don’t. If we can get a little clearer that we don’t act on default or the way we’re told we should act, but actually be a bit more strategic. For instance, I always say to my daughter: “You can make the choice right now whether you’re going to actually increase your energy or increase your emotion, but is it worth it?”
What should we take away from your research?
First, stop feeling so guilty and responsible for everything. I ran this pilot study where I gave women money to reduce their mental load and I found that it was so hard for many of those women to spend that money on themselves. What they wanted to do was give that money to the family to make everyone else’s life better. They felt so guilty about taking it for themselves.
So, we have basically socialized women to feel like they should be at the bottom of the list and then any investment in themselves once they become mothers is at the expense of their children. What a ridiculous lie we’ve been told.
READ MORE ON THE NEXT PAGE..
