We didn’t move into some extravagant mansion. We stayed right where we were, in the home Michael and I had built together. But for the first time since his death, I felt like I could breathe. The crushing weight of financial terror lifted from my chest.
I thought about all the times over the past month when I’d blamed him, when I’d felt betrayed, and when I’d questioned whether he’d ever really loved us. Now, I understand that love doesn’t always come in the ways we expect. Sometimes it’s hidden, complicated, and protective. Sometimes love is foresight, careful planning, and quiet sacrifice.
One evening, about two months after that meeting with Sarah, I sat at the kitchen table with a cup of tea and read Michael’s letters again. There were three of them, each one explaining different aspects of what he’d done and why.
“You really thought of everything,” I whispered to the empty room, to him, to the universe, to whatever part of him might still be listening. “Even when I didn’t understand. Even when I was angry with you.”
Mia walked into the kitchen and sat down across from me. She’d been reading in her room, probably studying for her college entrance exams. She smiled softly at me.
“He always did, Mom,” she said. “Dad loved us in the only way he knew how. Even now, he’s still protecting us.”
Ben appeared in the doorway, leaning against the frame with his hands in his pockets.
“Guess we won’t starve in college after all,” he said with a small grin, trying to lighten the mood the way he always did when emotions ran too high.
We all laughed then, tears mixing with relief and something close to joy. It felt good to laugh again, to feel something other than grief and fear.
That night, I lay in bed thinking about Michael and everything he’d done. How even in death, he had been the most devoted husband and father I could have imagined. He had never been careless or selfish.
He may not have married me on paper. There’s no certificate in a drawer somewhere with our names signed at the bottom. But he loved me and all of us, more deeply and completely than I could have ever imagined.
And in the end, that’s the only thing that really matters.
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